GUESS
HOW MUCH DEBT I'M IN...?
At the age of 20, I'm
in £22,000 debt.
It worries me deeply,
especially as someone who is working towards being a business owner,
that I'm unable to manage my finances and as a consequence I've
incurred a huge debt.
The truth is, I can be
a frivolous, emotional spender. When I was a child my mother and
other authoritative figures in my life always used to say that I will
appreciate the value of money once I started working but if my
actions are anything to go by, I would say I've only had the opposite
sentiment. The only thing I can appreciate since earning my own money
is having control and choice – something I didn't have when I was
spending out of my parent's pocket.
Now I avoid at all
costs to ask my parents for money like I'd rather starve than do so,
because if I did it'd be under their terms and conditions, something
I'm absolutely not keen on. Yet with this in mind, I find myself
occasionally doing what I loathe to do because, once again I've been
irresponsible with my finances.
And yes, I have
attempted at making a budget as advised by so many money-advice,
minimalist blogs, sites, etc etc but that hasn't worked. I'll tell
you why it hasn't worked: My job only offers zero hours, meaning one
week I could work up to thirty hours and the next week I could be
working for just four hours, or some weeks I'm not working at all.
Meaning month to month my salary greatly varies. Having gone through
some personal challenging circumstances over the last year meant that
I was left with only a quarter of my salary that barely covered
enough money for transport for the month and my tithe offering and
possibly a few spare changes afterwards.
On one hand I don't
care because it gives me time to focus on my writing projects but the
other hand, the hand that wants to travel and go on adventures, live
in my own house and have savings in the bank for future investments,
cares. It cares a whole bloody lot.
It's all fine and
dandly not having to go to a ten-hour, feet-numbing waitressing shift
to instead concentrate on artistic pursuits but how in the bloody
hell am I supposed to perform my best and give undivided attention to
my writing when every ten minutes I'm checking my work schedule
online to see if they've added or cancelled shifts on my rota (which
is often the case)?
And the frustration
that comes with it...urgh. Emotionally crushed and mentally exhausted
I beat myself up for not having my writing talents spotlighted by the
world and being catapulted to international stardom because of it.
And instead of sitting in my room sinking in depression over my
mountain pile of debt, I'd be standing in the balcony of my lavish
apartment with a refreshing glass of lemon iced tea in my hand
overlooking the picturesque views of Como's lakes.
Being in debt is not
fun. It means making up excuses to not see your friends because you
don't have money to spend whilst you're out with them. It means heart
palpitations and nervous flutterings in the belly whenever you're
about to check your account balance. It means reposession of your
property. It means sleepless nights because you don't know how you're
going to pay your child's school fees. It means taking out your
frustration on your partner and eventually fucking up your
relationship. It means slavery.
But you know what
really pisses me off about this whole being in debt issue, is when I
receive fucking junk emails from all this credit card companies
trying to convince me to apply for their credit cards writing shit
like '5.23899849793% APR interest rate” and expect me to understand
what it means. I'm looking at you Vanquis and Barclaycard.
 |
| When banks know they're not doing you a favour... |
Let me not get started
on the several TV adverts seducing people to take loans, loans that
many cannot afford to take. Loans that many people use to pay other
loans and so on and so forth, until it gets out of control and they
don't make payments and they begin threatening court action and all
sorts.
According to 2016
statistics taken from The Money Charity, credit card owners owe on
average £3,649 in the UK and Citizens Advice
Bureau in England and Wales dealt with 4,495
new debt problems every day during
the quarter ending March 2016
(themoneycharity.org.uk/money-statistics/).
Can't
say I'm surprised.
And it's funny to me
that for the majority of society there's an endless amount of
services dedicated to 'sorting out your debt' when it's really,
'sorting out your debt whilst you accumulate more debt.' But just
like we're living in parallel worlds, the ones with money, they have
endless amounts of services dedicated to 'spend your money, to make
more money' and lawyers and wealth management officers to give them a
gentle reminder when they're spending habits need to simmer down a
bit.
This reminds me of the
time when I went to my bank asking them to put restriction on my
overdraft so I wouldn't be tempted to spend more than I should, but
was told it is the responsibilty of the account holder to monitor
their spending habits but in the same breath told me I needed to have
a certain amount of money in my bank account to be eligible for those
services. So I completely understand the saying now: The poor get
poorer and the rich get richer.
"Everyone who wants to earn money, keep money, and enjoy money in this lifetime, should KNOW about money."
Like it's only now that
I know about bartering, bonds, stocks and the stock market, pension,
taxes, credit scores. Why don't they teach us this in school? Like
why is it the most important lessons in life we don't learn in school
but we have to learn it the hard way when we're riddled in debt?
The only sort of
education I got concerning money was when I was in college and the
student advisor was explaining the different kinds of help that can
be rendered if we find ourselves without any money whilst in
university.
I find it funny but not
like ha-ha funny just sort of sad funny, that they have the guarantee
that students WILL run into debt and WILL need to run to them for
financial help. Reason being they've been irresponsible with managing
a lump sum of cash dropped into their bank account - the excitement
just gets too much for them.
It's funny that the
only piece of education I got in school concerning money was what to
do when I ran out of money. Why did I not receive education about
what to do when I do have money?
Why did I never receive
education about investing? Bit-coins? Corruption?
I shouldn't need to be
an economic student, or some fucking investment banker before I know
about all these things. Everyone who wants to earn money, keep money,
and enjoy money in this lifetime, should KNOW about money.
Sometimes when I get
really down with my money problems, I go on Google searching for
artists who had money problems too but nonetheless delivered
tremendously well on the art front. My favourite go tos are Leonid
Afremov (love, LOVE him!) Henri Matisse, Kevin Carter (sensational
photographer) and of course, everyone's personal favourite Van Gogh.
On my recent trip to
Nigeria, I stayed with my aunt and her family, and just outside their
house was an artist's studio. I wish I had taken pictures to show
just how good the guy is, but it didn't cross my mind. His
overly-modest art studio was built with planks of wood and inside was
littered with his masterpieces and often there was an apprentice
sitting inside watching him at work. See, artists like that, just
simple and mindless about money. He's an inspiration to me now.
Like these money
situation has had me seriously considering having a benefactor i.e.
sugar daddy to pay off my debts, but I don't think I'm pretty enough
for that career path, so that thought is (almost) in the bin.
Even when I was a child
I always used to pick out the most expensive things and obviously it
wasn't intentional (what child looks at the price tag?) I clearly
just had a great eye for nice things. By the way, that hasn't
changed.
And with that statement
to follow on, I would like to admit that in an ideal world, I would
love, love to be married to a super wealthy, generous guy and
not have to worry about money but do what I want to do 24/7 which is
write and travel. Judge me.
I think to myself I was
born debt-free, and even when I die I shall be free of any debts I
may have incurred (Godwilling none), so why is it that the time
between birth and death one is reduced to paying the tax-collector? I
want to be like those people who are satisfied regardless if they
have a lot or little but it doesn't really affect them because they
have peace of mind.
I just don't know if I
have the perseverance to be in this dead end rat-race where money is
the sole objective. It bores me. Sometimes I feel like I should make
peace with the fact that I might not make much money from my writing,
but at least this gift is mine to keep and the only person I'm
indebted to is God, to do what He's given me to do and do it with all
my might.
Enjoyed reading this and want more? Click on the links below:
Enjoyed reading this and want more? Click on the links below:
- Efé's Thought for The Month: Women Cannot Be Independent
- Eféctive Guest Post by Mayen Writes: The Art Of Healing